What your family thinks you’re doing when they’re gone:
What you’re really doing:
Then they get home and you’ve done nothing now you’re like:
lol
Here I am sitting at the beach watching the whole scene before me. The grey sea crashing on itself and the sand. The waves curl and look like colored glass right before they turn into foam.Disappointed families make the best of the beach on such a dreary day void of color. The sun cannot pierce the thick layer of fog that clings to the coast. Surfers are sitting in the water looking out to the horizon waiting for the chance that a decent wave will come. I sit here in the sand watching the waves roll in and being sprayed with ocean mist. The water smells dirty and weird. I wait for that burst of fresh air which I know so well that smells clean and leaves me invigorated. It seems the longer I wait for it the more it doesn’t come. How long can I sit here and wait for something that won’t come?
I’ve thought about much today already. Most thoughts filled with anger and resentment. I thought about how unfair life seems to be and my own hurt. Will anybody even care how I feel about things? I doubt it. These days it seems like people just want as obedient little dog out of me; making my decisions for me (not even asking my opinion or input about it), only wanting me to do what they want me to do, and so on. I’m not a machine! It’s not possible to just put in the proper command and get a desired result. I have feelings, emotions, and blood running through my veins. What I want, though, isn’t good enough and I’m selfish. I feel so beat down. I used to be a source of comfort to people and now when I have nothing left to give it has turned on me. It seems to be just the moment I really need to lean on somebody for a while it all seems to go wrong. I’m not enough anymore. I’m not suitable for anybody’s needs anymore so what am I? What’s left? I don’t know anymore. I wish I had the answers but I don’t.
For some reason people always want to know what’s going on in my head, they’ve even become upset when I don’t want to share. I don’t understand why they want to see all the hurt, anger, and frustration that I keep from them. I don’t want to reveal my personal sanctuary… I didn’t know that was so wrong. I always knew that people could be cruel… I just didn’t think it would be to me. I don’t know who, here, to rely on anymore. Maybe all will be well again when I can be what people need again.
I’ll save all the questions burning in my mind for another day. I’ll write all this out so I can be rid of it. I never hold a grudge so I’ll let this go and hope that maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow that burst of fresh air will come…
A man with a cane
As I was on my way to school this morning on the sprinter I saw a man walking with a cane, which he actually seemed to need. He appeared to be in his mid-late 30s (maybe early 40s). I watched him walk with his cane and I was impressed. He used it with ease and walked with swagger. It made me imagine a dialogue between him and a woman that might be flirting with him…
Him- Hey sweet thang! You’re lookin’ good.
Her- (giggles) You’re lookin’ good yourself.
Him- Why thank you.
Her- Yeah, you make a cane look good.
That’s where it stopped in my head and I wondered if he might actually find that offensive or if he might be upset about it like it (the cane) had anything to do with whether or not he’s attractive.
Blitzball
So I’ve been playing Final Fantasy X. The last time I had played it was years ago so I decided to start a new file. I’ve been playing when I can and I got to Luca where the player gets to play Blitzball (yay… *rolls eyes*). The last time I played FFX I really disliked Blitzball because I found it hard. I lost the final and it made me feel so bad because of Wakka (I know I care waaay too much for it being a game :P). I decided that this time I was going play it however many times it took to beat it before allowing myself to continue with the story. I’ve gotten better at playing video games since when I first attempted it so it couldn’t be that hard…
I was in the locker room of the game, I went over all of the tutorials again (ugh… took forever), and I felt that I was as ready as I was going to be without being able to practice. I proceeded with the game and failed. I didn’t think I was going to fail at first; they scored the first goal but I scored the next one. Not bad, but then they massacred me (*sigh*). They just kept scoring goals and I couldn’t catch up. I made some stupid decisions and that made all the difference. The other team you play, the Luca Goers, is a little bit better than you (their stats are) but it’s not impossible to win because of that. I immediately after the lose turned off my system without saving and left the room to do something else.
Today, I decided to try again. I got through the intro of the fans in the stands and the rude, but understandable, comments of the commentators. Then it was time to blitz. They scored the first goal (1 goal for them = *sigh*) but then I quickly scored a goal after that (yay!!). After that I was rushing hard trying to score a goal but had no luck, thankfully neither did they. I have the ball again, I’ve got a great shot, I’m about to open the options, and then halftime (*frustrated mini yell* noooooooo!!!). I reassure myself that it’s only half time so it’s not a big deal. I take care of my team and then push proceed.
At that moment my mom decides to call me into the other room. I panic a little on the inside and pause it to go see what she wants, which was for me to wash dishes (-_- awww man…). I wash them as quickly as possible where the result would be that they would end up clean and walked back into the other room to continue. My concentration was a little broken but I tell myself that I can do it and continue. I unpause and start to play. They get the ball first but I end up getting the ball back. My player is not moving and I wonder why but I get jumped by three guys. My left joystick on my controller had stopped working (O_O I mean really?!?!?!?!?!). They score another goal and I’m starting to panic again slightly (I really didn’t want to have to play it again). I get the ball and I’m about to shoot but the crowd starts cheering for Wakka (WHY?!?!?!). Tidus leaves and Wakka returns. I take the ball and score a goal (yay!!!!!!!!). The score is tied 2-2 and I can’t score another goal. The second half stops and I go into overtime.
I quickly take care of the players and keep going. No team scores a goal and I go into the second overtime round. I get the ball first (*holds breath*), I rush over to the other side (*still holding breath*), I break through one player (*still holding breath*), and score the winning goal (Finally! Yes!! *mini victory dance*)!!
The trophy was huge!! As frustrated as it made me (my joystick still isn’t working) it was totally worth it.
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